Ph.D. Octopus

Politics, media, music, capitalism, scholarship, and ephemera since 2010

Beatles better than the Stones. Now Proven Mathematically.

with one comment

By Peter

According to Facebook (as of August 2nd, 2011), 20,276,298 people like The Beatles, 7,244,166 people like The Rolling Stones, and 4,405,856 people like Elvis Presley. Beethoven, the loser, clocks in with only 790,240 fans. Even Mozart (966,170) beats him, and Bach almost does (701,441). I was pleased to see 11,823,218 people like Nirvana but was disturbed to see that 20,053,533 like Metallica (though, I’m going to guess that 90% of these fans are nerds from former Soviet Republics). 20 million like Metallica while only 206,623 like Slayer! Despite the fact that Reign in Blood is clearly a better album than Kill em All. 7,103,826 like Johnny Cash, but a depressingly small 1,985,086 like The Clash. An atrociously high 9,157,292 like The Doors. The fact that more people like the Doors than like the Rolling Stones is best evidence of the innate depravity of the human race I’ve probably ever seen.

Appropriately only 243,344 like the Velvet Underground, though, of course, everyone who did, has already formed a band. More people like Minor Threat (227,233) than like Fugazi (141,533) even though Ian Mackaye led both of them, Fugazi still, sort of, exists, and, let’s face it, Fugazi is way more interesting. Only 1,769,379 like Bruce Springsteen, which I wish was accurate, because maybe his ticket prices would go down.

22,191,162 like Barack Obama, and I’m personally offended that he beats the Beatles. John Lennon never tried to shred the social safety net or extend taxes for the rich. I’m proud to say, though, that the Simpsons handily crush Obama, with 32,896,906. The amazing punk band the Minutemen, at 22,367, appear to have crushed the racist assholes of the same name, who have as of now only 74 fans. As near as I can tell, though, the winner is Michael Jackson, who appropriately crushes the competition with 38,865,724 fans.

(The real winners, by the way are here). The top sites are Facebook–lame!–, Texas Hold-em Poker–stupid–, and Eminem–surprising! Is it still 1999?)


Written by Peter Wirzbicki

August 2, 2011 at 22:50

Posted in music

One Response

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  1. interesting, but I’m afraid you’ve messed up your definitions. “better?” since when was quality determined democratically? I mean why else would we need campaign finance reform.


    August 23, 2011 at 21:01

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